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Bare with me because I’m a talker not a writer. I’ve refrained from sharing how I truly feel about my weight for many reasons…embarrassment, vulnerability, shame, failure, judgment, opening myself up to more pain the list goes on. Today I’ve decided to push those fears aside and fully open up about my journey. I was bullied in elementary and middle school for being “fat”. That sticks with you forever and messes with your self-worth and confidence.  In high school I decided to push myself to get skinny and did it in unhealthy ways which resulted in eating disorders but I gained a confidence I never had before. College happened and I’m not sure if it was all the late night beer and pizzas, not caring because I was in a relationship, or the lack of time and effort but I slowly started to gain weight over the years and continued battling eating disorders.  I was in an unhealthy relationship for almost 9 years where the person beat me down so much mentally I believed I was fat, ugly, and not worthy of love. How I let it get to that point or why I believed it I’ll never know…one day I woke up and couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Who is that woman? Where is that spunky, fun loving, happy, self-confident, gorgeous gal? She was lost and hiding behind fat. I believed it was the reason no one wanted to love me and why I was single…actually if I’m being honest I still feel I’m not worthy of love. I’m to fat and ugly for a man to want to date me. This is a battle friends…it really is. Well anyways I’ve been miserable and ashamed for years. What happened? How did it get to this point that I’m 150 pounds over weight? How is my body still healthy…no diabetes, no heart issues, no high blood pressure…I was lucky one. I would try this diet or that diet and lose a few pounds but gain it right back. I prayed to help me find ways, I asked people what they did, I was desperate enough to try anything but nothing worked. Thankfully my prayers were answered. I was approached for an endorsement through my job to get healthy and was terrified, nervous, and felt like I couldn’t do it. However, I knew that if I did it in the public eye that I wouldn’t let myself fail…how could I? I was given an opportunity to share such a personal journey, change myself, and be an inspiration to others. I was blessed to save & change my life, learn to be healthy for the rest of my days, with an amazing support system, but most importantly to love myself again.My co worker Jeanne I owe the world to for setting this up. UDC of Muncie for sponsoring me to get healthy. NASH FM 102.5 for believing in me. Of course I owe everything to Lisa and The Onion Factory for not giving up on me, pushing me to my limits, tough love, and believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  I’m far from loving who I am. I struggle daily  looking in the mirror because who I am on the inside doesn’t match who I am on the outside. I thought that this would be just a physical journey but I was wrong! It’s both physical and mental. I’ve proven to myself and the whole world that I can do the physical aspects of it, now I must face the inner demons that have followed me since First Grade. My trainer warned me about this…that we will get into the mental aspects of why you got to where you are but man I didn’t know our chats and watching The Biggest Loser would open such a flood gate of emotions. I know I’m not alone & that so many struggle with these same issues. This journey is far from over but if I can do it…anyone can. It’s not only a journey to get healthy but a journey of loving myself again. Don’t give up…you are worth it! 

Biggest Loser

Hello friends and those following my healthy lifestyle change. It’s been a tough week being on my own for food, workout classes, and battling another round of sickness but I refuse to give up on the challenge my trainer gave me this week. This evening I have my weekly check-in and I hope it’s big results…if not I don’t know mentally if I can handle another bad weigh-in. 

My trainer, from The Onion Factory, recommended I watch Extreme Weight Loss and The Biggest Loser. Extreme weight loss is a great show but I just can’t emotionally connect with the people. Last night was the premiere of The Biggest Loser and I decided to give it a whirl…OMG ADDICTED! I was balling my eyes out through the 2 hour episode because I’m going through the same things. I feel the same way that I’m undeserving of this opportunity, I feel embarrassed, a failure, that maybe I’m not worth all this time, effort, and energy that others have invested in me. It’s not a daily struggle it’s a struggle every second of every day. It’s an amazing thing to watch and realize I’m far from alone on this journey and that others are fighting just as hard to save their life. 
In Jessies blog on The Biggest Loser Website he wrote:

…”This show truly is about the human spirit and how willing and courageous a person can be to not only change what’s going on on the outside, but, more importantly, to go to the core, the inside, the place where the pain lives, the place that many run from. To see how open and vulnerable these contestants were willing to be was inspiring, and reminded me why I do what I do. The real work is done from the inside out.”

It’s true! The real work is done from the inside out and my trainer has mentioned that before but it took me watching others go through it for me to get it. I just hope that others battling being overweight know you are not alone and you CAN do it just don’t give up. =)

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I share my highs and my lows. This is a true journey about getting healthy and losing 140-150 pounds and getting down to 26% body fat. Yes I’m determined, Yes I haven’t given up, but it’s not easy but it’s worth it.

Friday my trainer chewed me out. I was happy I  lost two pounds and three inches but she was not, I should be much further along than I am. Sometimes you need a kick in the rear but I’m trying and doing everything I can…this is so difficult and I wonder if I can truly accomplish what we set out to do. I’m really thrown off because of doing a morning show at this time…I barley can sleep because I’m just so terrified of not waking up, I’m stressed, and the pressure is overwhelming and it’s affecting my results. Life happens. These things will happen for the rest of my life and I need to learn to deal with it…and honestly I think I’m doing a heck of a job but still need to step it up.  6 months and I still struggle daily, wait I actually struggle every minute with a healthy lifestyle but I refuse to give up. My trainer is changing it up and has challenged me. I’m challenged to go off her food and cooking and do it myself…cool I can do that. Also, I have to go to three intense workout classes this week and then weigh in on Friday to see what the results are. I’m on day 2 of this challenge and barley can move. Cooking for myself isn’t to bad…it’s all about prep and planning…that’s probably the hardest because you can’t just wake up and say ok I’ll figure it out. Nope gotta have a plan. I went to workout class last night and she put me in the front of class because of our challenge and so she could keep a close eye on me. I was dripping sweat, legs shaking so bad I thought I was going to fall over, and literally pushing my body to the extremes. It’s pretty amazing when you think you can’t do something and then you dig deep and find the motivation to keep it going. Also, standing up in the front of class, next to your trainer, and others watching you does something inside…I probably should do that every class because I pushed hard. I did have to sit out on an exercise because I went white and felt dizzy. But I picked myself back up and continued the workout. She giggled at the end and said how you doing on day 1 of our challenge…Great I told her, lying through my teeth, I got this. 

I felt awesome after the workout, gotta love all those endorphins, dripping sweat, and the feeling you pushed yourself to your limits. Today however I’m hurting. My lower back feels like bricks are on it pulling it down, I barley can raise or move my arms, and my legs are kinda killing me to. They say no pain no gain right? EEK! If I can do this so can you!!!! Big thanks to UDC of Muncie for sponsoring me to get fit at The Onion Factory in Anderson with NASH FM 102.5

P.S. If anyone wants to give me a massage just let me know. Ouchie ;)

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I’ll admit I’ve been struggling on my healthy journey. It seems like this summer I just keep getting set back and I know I should be farther along. The good news is I’m determined and although I get down on myself. both mentally and physically. I will never give up..I’m not allowed to. People ask if I’m crazy all the time for sharing this journey with the world, and yes I’m crazy, but I also know it holds be accountable and there is no room for failure.

Life happens, stress, lack of sleep, oopsie moments, or whatever else has been thrown my way has jeopardized my weight loss. BUT, these things will happen for the rest of my life and I’m learning the tools to make healthy decisions no matter what I’m dealing with. I used to use food as an escape. Bad day? Pizza, Beer, and chocolate fixed everything. Now when I have a bad day I workout and my mood instantly changes, & if I want chocolate I make a chocolate protein drink. I don’t crave the things I used to and I sure don’t use food as an escape…I use it to feed my body and give me energy. Living healthy is hard and challenging in today’s world but it’s so worth it..I’m literally saving my life and adding more years to it. Plus the way you feel is amazing!!! 

I’m getting healthy thanks to the University Dermatology Center sponsoring me to get fit at The Onion Factory in Anderson with NASH FM 102.5. I’ve been doing it for almost 6 months and I’m very close to hitting the 50lb mark. *Sigh* still have 90-100 pounds to go. I had class last night and it was “Gym” night for us ladies. We did hula hoops, jump rope, jumping jacks, sit ups and lifted weights. It was fun, challenging, hot ,and exhausting but we did it. 

I even lifted heavier weights then I probably should have just to prove my trainer wrong and that I could do it. Well played Lisa, well played indeed. You know that ice bucket challenge going around? I wanted to call out my trainer, Lisa, but she reminded me that payback is a bit**…ok yeah I’m going to re-think that one since we have personal training sessions weekly. My arms hurt so bad today but I love the pain. It proves to me that my efforts on breaking down the muscle to rebuild is actually working. If I can wash my hair without it hurting…I didn’t lift heavy enough ;) It’s not just about doing the workouts and eating correctly…it’s about not being alone in the journey. I love these girls and we are doing it together one step at a time…it’s a support system and even after you graduate you still have that support system as soon as you walk through the doors at The Factory. 

Truth here we go…I gained  3 pounds last week and stayed the same with my inches and fat percentage…ugh how frustrating! It’s the lack of sleep and I was under a tremendous amount of stress, surprise, that affects your results. So I’ve been trying to get extra sleep even if I have to take a nap, I’ve been trying to keep my stress level down, eating every 3 hours, and getting enough protein. Not to mention working out…it’s a commitment to get healthy and it’s a difficult journey but if I can do it…believe me you can! And when I get discouraged I just put a side by side and realize I’ve come to far to give up now! 

Transformation Tuesday Amanda style: 

I’m far from what I once was but not yet what I’m going to be! Come on get up and get moving. Let’s get healthy! 

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I forgot to post this side by side a few weeks ago. How crazy is this (look below)? I have a long journey of losing weight and fat percentage, and getting myself to be healthy but I’m on the journey. I started this Healthy Lifestyle Journey back in March at The Onion Factory in Anderson thanks to UDC of Muncie for sponsoring me to get fit on NASH FM 102.5. I was scared, nervous, felt like I’d let everyone down and not be able to adhere to the healthy lifestyle changes. It’s been a little over 5 months and wow just wow. I’ve had some challenges but I refuse to give up. I’m in my second 8-week course and still learning more with each class.  I feel better, I have more energy, and I truly understand what being healthy means. You can never ever eat poorly and expect to be healthy or workout to compensate that snickers bar you had earlier. It’s all about eating clean and eating often, drinking half your body weight in water, exercising, getting enough protein, lifting weights and LOOK at what you can accomplish! I still have another 100 pounds to drop but if I can do it anyone can. 

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I’m still on the road to get healthy thanks to UDC of Muncie sponsoring me to get fit at The Onion Factory in Anderson. I was really proud that after weeks of not doing this move I was able to hold them both for 1 minute last night during class. If I can do…I thought anyone can. 

Today I decided that I needed to challenge my co workers, Mike Lees and Dash, from NASH FM 102.5  to do the Superman and Bananas workout. 

Why is this such an important move? It works your core, and abs and if you do it correctly you will feel the burn. 

To do Superman: lie on your stomach with arms straight out in front of you and legs extended behind you; both should be shoulder-width apart. Lift your legs and arms simultaneously off the floor; hold for 1 minute.

To do Bananas: Flip over to your back and do the same thing. 

To make these moves even harder and give you better results, keep your arms and legs just about the ground. If your legs are shaking, you are doing it right! 

It looks easy but my friends it is not. I was however impressed by my co workers! Come on try it. If WE can do it…anyone can! 

Get up and move! Get Healthy with Me! 

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Is that really me? Wow. A picture can not lie and I’m happy to announce that this past week I lost another 6 pounds and 7 inches with The Onion Factory in Anderson and UDC of Muncie sponsoring me on NASH FM 102.5 . Little by little I’m getting healthy and saving my life. It’s not easy, it’s a challenge every minute of every day. My trainer said something last week in class that really had an impact on me…she said it’s a lot easier to NOT eat. Eating is a job and something you have to do every three hours, you have to feed your engine. It’s true. NOT eating would be so much easier…fueling your body is a job that never stops. When you are at work, at an event, grocery shopping, etc. You have to plan, you have to be aware of time, you have to choose wisely, people will tempt you and you have to remain strong and remember that eating is your full time job. EATING is where it starts. You lose weight in the kitchen and you get fit in the gym. Darling, if I can do it anyone can!! =)

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Romance,Dating, Love..does it get easier or harder with age? 

Growing up boys have cooties and ewwww we run& hide from them. High school approaches and we think everyone is cute and we crave the attention of the opposite sex…but it’s just that attention and fun. College hits and either of two things happen. You fall madly in love and find the “one” or what you think is the coveted “one” OR you do the whole casual hookup thing. Regardless you learn alot about yourself during your 20’s. You will fall in and out of love and you will most likely decide who is the one to spend the rest of your life with…if your lucky. I was the unfortunate one. I spent the best years of my life unwilling to commit  when I decided I wanted a relationship I spent the better part of a decade thinking I was in love only to realize it was a dream. It was fake. It was built on cheating, lies, and dishonesty. I thought he was the one only to be shattered. I’m not bitter about it…it is what it is but I truly  believe you really learn how to love in your 20’s…and baby I learned to love. I learned the true meaning of unconditional love. I witnessed many of my friends commit their lives to the one they loved. It’s scary yet love is a wonderful thing …so what am I doing wrong? 

Now that I’m 30 dating is a whole new territory. Holy crap I’m 30 and still single…we question what’s wrong with us. WHY!? How did this happen? It’s like you just woke up one day and realized you’re not good enough for anyone…why? Questions invade your mind and you lose sight of the real question of dating and solely focus that you are alone. Times are tougher, the pool of men is smaller, and you question WHY? Why does no one want to commit now a days. Everybody wants someone, but no one wants the dreaded “label”. No one wants to feel bad, yet it seems that so many people run around treating each other badly. We use these words like “fun” and “casual,” but is forced ambiguity really that fun? And even if there is no label, is getting naked with someone on the regular really that casual? 

“So are you guys together?”

 “Umm. Well, we’re like kinda seeing each other…?”

“I like you,and you like me but I just want to have fun.” 

Don’t fall for it. Just don’t. I mean let’s be honest…what you are really saying is I would like to get naked together but not enough to be Facebook official. The worst part of all of this: I’m part of the problem! This kind of attitude frustrates me, yet I find myself doing and saying the same things constantly. 

“Let’s just see what happens.” 

"I don’t do relationships" 

“I’m not looking for anything serious.”

"You are great but I’m just having fun" 

This gets you no where. As a generation, we don’t even have to use the correct verbage to describe what it is we do want. It’s a headcase to be in a situation that is so popular now a days. Someone who is a friend and lover, but not your boyfriend/girlfriend. Intimacy without a label. Being close in private, but distant in public. Some would say that technology is to blame, others might say it’s the changing socio-moral landscape, others blame it on our generation. Regardless what happened? When did settling become the norm? When did casual hookups without defining the relationship become ok? You think you are doing yourself a favor with no titles or commitment no drama…but really think about it. Isn’t it more drama not knowing where you stand with someone that you’re into. Isn’t it more painful to be left alone every morning? 

Is it because we turned selfish? Are our standards to high or to low? Or are we trying to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of love and relationships? 

For me it’s the last one…I run away before they can. I end it before they can. I only settle for what I think I deserve…and I guess deep down I believe I don’t deserve love. I scream I don’t want a relationship when in realty it’s the thing I want most. I’m so afraid of getting hurt, of letting someone in, I leave before I’m left. Why? Because honestly, there is only person I know who is 100% committed to my dreams, shares my varying interests, and doesn’t mind my quirky personal habits. That person is me, myself and I. I’ve wasted too much time and effort with people who can barely make it down the street, much less around the world.

I’ll leave you with this: Why will you lay in bed with someone at your most vulnerable state but not walk down the street holding hands? 

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I feel like a failure…and failure is not an option. One of my group members has hit the 50lb mark…why haven’t I?!? Well since graduation I’ve lost a few pounds, few inches, and few fat but this past week I gained 3 pounds and a few inches. Being sick, plus kidneys stones & in the hospital threw me off my game of my healthy lifestyle. Not eating for a week will do that to you. My trainer knows her 8 week course, at The Onion Factory in Anderson, gets me results. Therefore she has me going back to where I started and joining a new 8 week class that starts tonight. I guess I need the group setting, the accountability, the structure, and the weekly check ins! My next goal to hit is 50 lbs. LET’S DO IT! IF I CAN DO IT YOU CAN! #GetUpandMove 

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Hey friends! Sorry I haven’t blogged in awhile. Last few weeks have been crazy from turning the big 3-0, to having an emergency surgery…life has kept me on my toes. I will say that on my Birthday I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted and to be honest nothing really sounded that good but I did have some olive garden and it was amazing but not worth it in the long run. That night and the next day I felt lethargic, gross, and just overall bad. It was not worth it. =) If you want to lose some pounds and LEARN how to live a healthy lifestyle check them out. I’ll write a new blog after my weekly check in this week.

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Ch…Ch…Ch…Changes! The above photo is me with my favorite boys, Tyler and BK, from Florida Georgia Line. Left: October 2013. Right: June 2014. I started my healthy lifestyle journey over 3 months ago and already you can see a difference. I’m so thankful that The Onion Factory in Anderson has opened my eyes to healthy eating and living. I wouldn’t be able to do this without  the support of University Dermatology Center of Muncie and with NASH FM 102.5. I am saving my life! <3 

Last night I had my weekly check in and it’s no secret I’ve struggled with losing fat percentage and weight at the same time. I either lose pounds and gain fat percentage or vice versa. Last week I lost 1 pound and 7 inches…although it wasn’t what I had hoped for I was excited at the loss of 7 inches. You’d think by now I’d be a pro at my check-ins but I’m nervous wreck each time! I stood on the scale with my trainer looking at me …pressure was on this week to show some results since I’ve been stuck the last month. A sigh of relief when I looked down…lost another 2 pounds. We moved to the office where we do my fat percentage. I knew, based on the past, that I wouldn’t lose fat percentage so I took a deep breath and tried to remind myself slow and steady…Rome wasn’t built in a day. We looked at the numbers and I lost almost 2% body fat. I asked if it was a mistake and she assured me it was not. OMG!!!! Pounds and Fat Percentage loss!?!? It’s my lucky day! My trainer then went to measure me and wow lost 2 inches! I’ve not been able to lose in all three areas in over a month! I was ecstatic! I remember calling my mom and saying I’m so surprised “I’m not” she said. “You’re a hard worker and determined…it’s showing”. Whoo hoo! Last night’s workout was intense but I’m happy to report for the first time ever I was able to hold the superman pose for the full :60 seconds….I may have shed a tear outta pain but I did it!!!! Sometimes it’s the little things that make me realize how far I’ve come in just 90 some days. My next goal is to hold bananas for :60 seconds….I have a hard time holding that move for :15 seconds.

Since this journey began I feel better (Sick girl hasn’t been “sick sick” in almost 90 days), more energy, my endurance is amazing, I can walk around concert venues without being out of breathe just to name a few. I know you’re thinking that’s great Amanda but I’m just so far gone I can’t…I can’t exercise for 30 minutes, I can’t do workout classes, I can’t do situps or ab workouts blah blah blah. That’s what it is blah! It’s an excuse because IF I CAN DO THIS….anyone can! =) Get up and move my friends.