Romance,Dating, Love..does it get easier or harder with age?
Growing up boys have cooties and ewwww we run& hide from them. High school approaches and we think everyone is cute and we crave the attention of the opposite sex…but it’s just that attention and fun. College hits and either of two things happen. You fall madly in love and find the “one” or what you think is the coveted “one” OR you do the whole casual hookup thing. Regardless you learn alot about yourself during your 20’s. You will fall in and out of love and you will most likely decide who is the one to spend the rest of your life with…if your lucky. I was the unfortunate one. I spent the best years of my life unwilling to commit when I decided I wanted a relationship I spent the better part of a decade thinking I was in love only to realize it was a dream. It was fake. It was built on cheating, lies, and dishonesty. I thought he was the one only to be shattered. I’m not bitter about it…it is what it is but I truly believe you really learn how to love in your 20’s…and baby I learned to love. I learned the true meaning of unconditional love. I witnessed many of my friends commit their lives to the one they loved. It’s scary yet love is a wonderful thing …so what am I doing wrong?
Now that I’m 30 dating is a whole new territory. Holy crap I’m 30 and still single…we question what’s wrong with us. WHY!? How did this happen? It’s like you just woke up one day and realized you’re not good enough for anyone…why? Questions invade your mind and you lose sight of the real question of dating and solely focus that you are alone. Times are tougher, the pool of men is smaller, and you question WHY? Why does no one want to commit now a days. Everybody wants someone, but no one wants the dreaded “label”. No one wants to feel bad, yet it seems that so many people run around treating each other badly. We use these words like “fun” and “casual,” but is forced ambiguity really that fun? And even if there is no label, is getting naked with someone on the regular really that casual?
“So are you guys together?”
“Umm. Well, we’re like kinda seeing each other…?”
“I like you,and you like me but I just want to have fun.”
Don’t fall for it. Just don’t. I mean let’s be honest…what you are really saying is I would like to get naked together but not enough to be Facebook official. The worst part of all of this: I’m part of the problem! This kind of attitude frustrates me, yet I find myself doing and saying the same things constantly.
“Let’s just see what happens.”
"I don’t do relationships"
“I’m not looking for anything serious.”
"You are great but I’m just having fun"
This gets you no where. As a generation, we don’t even have to use the correct verbage to describe what it is we do want. It’s a headcase to be in a situation that is so popular now a days. Someone who is a friend and lover, but not your boyfriend/girlfriend. Intimacy without a label. Being close in private, but distant in public. Some would say that technology is to blame, others might say it’s the changing socio-moral landscape, others blame it on our generation. Regardless what happened? When did settling become the norm? When did casual hookups without defining the relationship become ok? You think you are doing yourself a favor with no titles or commitment no drama…but really think about it. Isn’t it more drama not knowing where you stand with someone that you’re into. Isn’t it more painful to be left alone every morning?
Is it because we turned selfish? Are our standards to high or to low? Or are we trying to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of love and relationships?
For me it’s the last one…I run away before they can. I end it before they can. I only settle for what I think I deserve…and I guess deep down I believe I don’t deserve love. I scream I don’t want a relationship when in realty it’s the thing I want most. I’m so afraid of getting hurt, of letting someone in, I leave before I’m left. Why? Because honestly, there is only person I know who is 100% committed to my dreams, shares my varying interests, and doesn’t mind my quirky personal habits. That person is me, myself and I. I’ve wasted too much time and effort with people who can barely make it down the street, much less around the world.
I’ll leave you with this: Why will you lay in bed with someone at your most vulnerable state but not walk down the street holding hands?